Self-Deception: Ten Common Lies We Tell Ourselves

We’re pretty good at talking ourselves out of doing what matters most. Whether it’s family, faith, rest, or personal growth, we often fall back on a set of rehearsed excuses that sound reasonable—maybe even noble—but keep us stuck.

Untangling these lies is a bit like untangling a rope. Here’s a run-down of ten common lies we tell ourselves and why it’s time to stop believing them. 

1. “I’m too busy.”

We tell ourselves this one all the time. And I get it—people really are busy. But most of the time, we’re busy with optional things. Hobbies, recreation, and downtime are good gifts from God. But when those things crowd out the responsibilities God has clearly given—like investing in your marriage, parenting with intentionality, or spending just ten minutes a day in God’s Word—something’s off.

Parents teach their kids to value sports over church, extra-curricular fun over spiritual investment, and then wonder why the next generation has little interest in spiritual things. 

This is likely an overstatement, but here goes: the greatest threat to Christianity in this country is not secularism or transgender ideology; it is youth sports. It is simply being too busy with good things to the exclusion of eternally necessary things. 

Studies show that men average 41 hours a week of free time, and women average 35. That’s more than any generation in history. The problem isn’t lack of time; it’s misplaced priorities. We have margin—we just don’t always use it well.

2. “When things settle down, I’ll...”

We all imagine that mythical future moment when life slows down and we can finally start that Bible reading plan, schedule those date nights, or volunteer at church. But here’s the truth: life never truly “settles down.”

There will always be a project at work, a car in the shop, a mess in the kitchen, or a crisis in the family. If you wait until life is calm, you’ll never start the things that matter most. Don’t wait for calm to be faithful.

3. “Sure, I’d be happy to do that!”

This one feeds the first two lies. We say “yes” to things we don’t really want to do for reasons we haven’t thought through, sometimes at the expense of the things we need to do.

Overcommitting leads to burnout, resentment, and regret. Before you say yes to one more request, ask yourself: What will this cost my family? My soul? My schedule? Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can say is “no” to yet another unnecessary commitment. Don't say "yes" to stuff you have no intention of doing or out of a slavish need to please people. The Bible calls this "the fear of man." 

4. “I won’t be good at that.”

We use this excuse to avoid trying altogether. Whether it’s discipling a new believer, praying aloud in small group, sharing your faith with a neighbor, leading your kids spiritually, or taking the first step into a new ministry—none of us starts out confident or competent. 

Thankfully, God doesn’t ask for perfection. He asks for faithfulness. And often, obedience is the very path through which growth happens. Be willing to grow, learn, and ask for help.  

5. “I just need a little more time.”

Confession: I’m a professional procrastinator. Saying I need more time can sound wise, but it typically masks laziness, misplaced priorities, perfectionism, or fear of failure. Better to delay than fail. So we delay hard conversations, important decisions, or spiritual steps under the guise of waiting for “a better time.”

More often than not, we don’t need more time—we need more courage.  At least that’s true for me. 

6. “That’s just not my personality.”

I’m guilty of this one, too. I’ve reasoned, “I’m an introvert, so I’m going to retreat to my study rather than engage with people.” Sometimes I hear things like, “I’m a shy person, so I prefer to serve in the background rather than tell people about Jesus.” Or, "I'm not really great in hard conversations, so would you talk to them instead?" 

The only problem with this, of course, is that God’s commands to love people, to tell others about Christ, and to speak to brothers and sisters about sin  are, well, commands. While it can be helpful to recognize your strengths and weaknesses, blaming your God-given personality for your failure to love people is, in the final analysis blaming God for your disobedience. 

7. “I’m doing better than most.”

We might not literally says this out loud, but we often think it. We look around at what other people are doing, and then measure our level of obedience based on that. The standard for our obedience isn’t other people; it is Jesus Christ. And compared to God, we all fall short of His glory (Rom 3:23). Comparison can quickly lead to either complacency or arrogant self-congratulations. We act more like the Pharisee than the Publican, while resenting others for not pulling their weight or measuring up to our standard of spirituality. 

8. “God understands.”

This one sounds spiritual—but it’s often used to justify disobedience. Example: “I know God tells me to be committed to my marriage, but we’re not in love anymore. God understands.” On a more benign level, we'll say, "I had a rough night. God will understand that I can't pray this morning." Some withdraw from church after personal slights or minor disagreements, with the excuse that "God understands that I need to take time off," in clear violation of commands that we commit to a local church. 

"God understands" is used to excuse divorces, affairs, leaving churches for sinful reasons, laziness, prayerlessness, and so on.

Of course God understands. He’s merciful, patient, and full of grace. But grace is meant to empower obedience, not excuse avoidance. Our circumstances do not nullify His commands. Our difficulties do not make obedience optional. 

If you’re constantly using “God understands” to cover apathy, it’s time to examine your heart. You might just be guilty taking God's name in vain, using God's mercy as an excuse for your sin. 

9. “I’ll do it when I feel like it.”

Somewhere along the way, we’ve picked up the pernicious idea that obeying God when we don’t really feel like it is hypocritical.  

To paraphrase something I heard Kevin DeYoung once say, “Obeying when you don’t feel like it isn’t hypocrisy. It’s maturity.” Hypocrisy is play-acting. Maturity is choosing to do what is right because it is not only right, but because it is the path to true and eternal delight. 

10. “I do [or don’t] have peace about it.”

Based on a flawed interpretation of Colossians 3:14, many Christians believe that the ultimate arbiter in decision-making is a subjective, undefinable, and unrefutable feeling of “peace.” However, “peace” in the context is objective relational peace, not subjective emotional tranquility. 

If you do not step out in faith, share the gospel, or take a new ministry until you feel peace, you will probably never do any of those things. No matter how many times I evangelize, I still feel nervous and uneasy. And no matter how convinced I am that a major decision is right, I have yet to feel calm tranquility as I’ve made that decision. A sense of calm tranquility is in no way an accurate measure of God's will. 

Conversly, there is no end of foolish, selfish, or downright sinful things you can justify because you “felt peace” about it. Christians enter marriages with non-Christians, stop attending church, or get divorces because they “felt peace” about doing so. 

Don’t make decisions based on butterflies in your stomach. 

Make decisions based on God’s Word, wise counsel, and submissive prayer. 

Final Thought:

Lies are comfortable. They let us off the hook. But they also keep us from growing, loving, serving, and living the life God has called us to. The truth may be harder—but it’s also better.

Let’s stop saying these things. And more importantly, let’s stop believing them.