Bad Reasons to Leave a Church

People come and go from churches all the time. 

Often, churches are thought of as religious service providers that exist to cater to peoples' shared tastes or special interests. 

In contrast, Scripture treats the church as a supernatural community united in the truth, created by the gospel, and composed of redeemed sinners from different backgrounds, personalities, and preferences. Because the church is the new humanity in Christ (Ephesians 2:11-22), believers are commanded to be "eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:3). This requires commitment to the truth, to each other, and to the church. It involves a commitment to love, forgive, and serve one another (Colossians 3:12-14). 

Of course, there are legitimate reasons to “come out from among them and be ye separate.” Scripture warns us against aiding and abetting false teachers (Romans 16:17; 2 John 10-11), and Scripture likewise holds hearers accountable for sitting under false doctrine (2 Timothy 4:1-5; Galatians 1:6-9) or a refusal to address open sin. We'll address good reasons to leave a church in our next article. 

Granting that there are indeed good reasons to leave your church, here’s four common reasons people leave churches that just don’t hold up to Scriptural scrutiny. 

Preferences 

Often, people will leave a church due to stylistic preferences. “We want a church that plays a music style we like.” No group has a monopoly on this. Young people want a church with upbeat music. Older people want a church that sings the old hymns. 

While style preferences are strong, Scripture consistently emphasizes the theological substance of worship rather than the musical style of it (Colossians 3:16; Ephesians 5:19). The primary question is not whether the musical style matches our personal taste, but whether it conforms to Scripture and faithfully declares the truth. 

While it is legitimate to leave a church that reduces worship to entertainment or sings songs that promote false teaching, stylistic preferences alone are a poor reason to leave a sound church. 

Closely related to stylistic preferences is the desire for personal comfort. Some will leave a church is the preaching is too direct, if the requirements for membership are too great, or if the church's culture calls members out of their comfort zone. 

Let's face it: biblical accountability is uncomfortable (Hebrews 3:12-14; 10:24-27). Church discipline can feel quite difficult (1 Corinthians 5). Being called to holiness can be convicting. And yet, these are the very things God's Word calls churches to do. 

What if God’s Word calls us to love people with different tastes and preferences? What would it look like for younger people who prefer contemporary music to defer to and love older people who prefer classic hymns? And vice versa? Which approach better displays the gospel better: people sorting into churches based on similar preferences, or people uniting with other believers in spite of different tastes and preferences?

Programming 

Other times, people will leave a church because of the presence (or absence) of some preferred program. “Our kids need a fun and exciting youth group” or “I’m looking for a church with activities and social events for seniors.” 

While there’s nothing wrong with youth groups and senior activities, there is something profoundly wrong with approaching church as a consumer looking for religiously flavored goods and services. Scripture never presents affinity-based programs as the basis for church life. Instead, the life of the church is located in faithful teaching, cross-generational and cross-cultural fellowship, worship, prayer, and celebrating communion (Acts 2:42-47).

 
Programs can be helpful tools, but they can't replace the centrality of God's Word (2 Timothy 4:1-2; 1 Timothy 4:13). 
The most important aspect of a church’s unity is not found in affinity-based interest groups, but rather, the church’s unity is found in the supernatural power of the gospel to cut across natural affinity-based interest groups. Look for a church that teaches the Bible faithfully to the whole church. Look for a church that prioritizes the gathering of the whole church. Look for a church that prioritizes their preaching (the content) over their programming (the delivery method).

For more on this, I highly recommend Jamie Dunlop's book Compelling Community. It's excellent. 

Partisan Politics 

In our increasingly polarized age, Christians now decide which church to attend based on partisan political messaging more than biblical fidelity.  For some politically conservative  Christians, prosperity preachers and immoral heretics get a pass because they support the “right” side. Biblically faithful pastors are denounced as “woke” or “compromised” for failing to be outspoken enough on some political or cultural moment. 

Conversely, some Christians have left sound churches because of their perceived insensitivity in praying or speaking out about racial injustice. Instead of remaining in a sound, gospel preaching church, they align with churches that may be right in calling out racism, but are wrong in tolerating compromise to God’s Word. 

To be clear, fidelity to the Word of God absolutely requires clear conviction on matters like racism, abortion, and human sexuality. But it does not require that Christians base their unity in the church on unanimity on who they vote for or how they respond to every cultural or political issue. There should be room for gracious disagreement on matters on which Scripture does not bind the conscience. 

Scripture teaches that Christians must exercise love toward one another in places where God's Word does not bind the conscience. While Scripture is quite clear on many matters argued about in the public square today, it neither demand a single political strategy for Christians nor requires that every Christian engage culture in exactly the same way. When Christians divide over issues where Scripture allows freedom, they violate the very unity the gospel is meant to create. 

Personality 

A final bad reason people leave churches is personality differences. Maybe the pastor is too exuberant. Or too introverted. Or they clash with a deacon. The church is composed of all types of personalities, and all types of repentant sinners. Introverts and extroverts are thrown together. Outspoken “truth tellers” and sensitive souls are called to love each other. The entire project of the church is fraught with danger, and yet it is precisely God’s plan. God’s plan, from before the world began, was to save a rag-tag group of undeserving sinners of all personalities and backgrounds, unite them together into a covenant community, and call them to love each other. Will there be miscommunications? Undboutabley. Will there be misunderstandings? Certainly. Will there be hurt feelings and sins? Yes!!

That’s why I Peter 4:8 calls us to cover over with love everything we possibly can. Colossians 3:13-14 insists that we put up with and forgive each other. Matthew 18:15-18 requires us to go to those whose sin is serious or persistent enough make it an ongoing problem in our relationship with them. Simply taking the easy out and leaving when relationships get messy not only fails to resolve the problem, it disobeys Scripture. 

Conclusion

Faithful Christians do not treat the church like a religious marketplace. They treat it like a covenant family—one worth loving, serving, and persevering with even when it becomes difficult.